Back in March, just two days before Nick was admitted to the hospital, I finished "You'd Better Not Die or I'll Kill You" by Jane Heller. How's that for timing? This book is part memoir, part self-help, and all about Heller's experiences as a caregiver for her husband, who has Crohn's disease and other health issues.

Heller's writing style appealed to me. She's straightforward and funny, which makes even the heavy topics feel a bit lighter. The book is structured around different themes like dealing with doctors, managing stress, and maintaining your own health and happiness. The author doesn't sugarcoat the difficulties, which I appreciated. She talks about the emotional toll caregiving can take, but also offers practical tips and resources that can help.

One chapter was about the importance of self-care. Heller emphasizes that caregivers need to take care of themselves to be able to take care of their loved ones. She shares her own struggles with this and how she eventually learned to prioritize her own well-being without feeling guilty.

"Remember, if you go down the drain, you're not going to be much good to the person you're caring for. So take a deep breath, put on your favorite music, and give yourself a break."

Another chapter discusses how friendships can change. I am "on call" around the clock. I have had to change or cancel plans so often that I'm disinclined to even make them anymore. I'm so afraid of having to disappoint or "flake out" on people that I prefer to do activities alone now. The book confirmed that friendships often suffer as caregiving causes a person's priorities and availability to change.

I've been taking care of Nick in some form or fashion for 20+ years, so I didn't walk away from the book with anything new or profound, but I did find it entertaining and validating. As the author shared her stories and those of other caregivers, it was affirming to see that I'm not alone and that it's okay to laugh.