The courage to be disliked

Hardcover, 288 pages

English language

Published April 26, 2018 by Atria Books.

ISBN:: 978-1-5011-9727-7
OCLC Number:: 1025403704

(6 reviews)

"The Courage to Be Disliked, already an enormous bestseller in Asia with more than 3.5 million copies sold, demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of twentieth century psychology, The Courage to Be Disliked follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own life, free from the shackles of past experiences, doubts, and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that is deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and other people have placed on us. The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance. Millions have already read and benefitted from its …

"The Courage to Be Disliked, already an enormous bestseller in Asia with more than 3.5 million copies sold, demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be. Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of twentieth century psychology, The Courage to Be Disliked follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own life, free from the shackles of past experiences, doubts, and the expectations of others. It's a way of thinking that is deeply liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and other people have placed on us. The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance. Millions have already read and benefitted from its wisdom. This truly life-changing book will help you declutter your mind of harmful thoughts and attitudes, helping you to make a lasting change, achieve real happiness, and find success"--

"The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up for the mind, The Courage to Be Disliked is the Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to free yourself from the shackles of past experiences and others' expectations to achieve real happiness"--

1 edition

dorsalfin reviewed The courage to be disliked by Ichirō Kishimi

A useful lens to approach some of your problems

3 stars

Enough Adlerian psychology has filtered into the American mainstream that parts of this book just feel like generic self-help, but the core ideas are powerful and coherent. The main ideas (below, probably missed some) seem sensible to me -- although # 5 ignores e.g. health problems.

Some precepts: 1. Don't think about etiology, think about teleology. In other words, don't look into your past for causes of your problems -- think about your goals, both the ones you've consciously voiced and the ones you haven't acknowledged to yourself yet. 2. Etiology is deterministic, teleology is in your control. If you believe that your traumatic childhood caused your current behavior, you must believe that you cannot climb out of it. On the other hand, if you take a teleological approach, you can just change your goals. 3. If you have a problem, it is because it serves some future-oriented goal you …

Enough Adlerian psychology has filtered into the American mainstream that parts of this book just feel like generic self-help, but the core ideas are powerful and coherent. The main ideas (below, probably missed some) seem sensible to me -- although # 5 ignores e.g. health problems.

Some precepts: 1. Don't think about etiology, think about teleology. In other words, don't look into your past for causes of your problems -- think about your goals, both the ones you've consciously voiced and the ones you haven't acknowledged to yourself yet. 2. Etiology is deterministic, teleology is in your control. If you believe that your traumatic childhood caused your current behavior, you must believe that you cannot climb out of it. On the other hand, if you take a teleological approach, you can just change your goals. 3. If you have a problem, it is because it serves some future-oriented goal you have. 4. It is only courage holding you back. The courage to change your goals and to be disliked. 5. All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. 6. All interpersonal relationship problems arise from inadequate separation of tasks. In any relationship, some tasks properly belong to each person, and if you interfere or come to care about other people's tasks, it will lead to problems for you and in the relationship. You can be there to help another person with their tasks, but you cannot care about it for them, or do it for them. The paradigmatic examples here are "it is their task to decide whether or not they like you, so don't worry about it", and "a parent cannot study for a child, they can only be there to help." 8. There are three kinds of "life tasks" corresponding to three areas of interpersonal relationships: work, friends, love. 9. Strive for only horizontal relationships -- those characterized by a proper separation of tasks and "thanks" rather than "praise". 10. The point of life is social good feeling from embeddedness in communities of various sizes, up to and including the universe and all animate and inanimate objects within it.