Matt B Gets Lit reviewed The pursuit of perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar
Review of "The Pursuit of Perfect"
4 stars
This year, I've been exploring books on perfectionism, including "The Pursuit of Perfect" by Tal Ben-Shahar. I took a lot of notes while reading, and revisiting them reminded me of just how much the book offered, even if some ideas were more common sense than groundbreaking.
The central message of the book is clear: striving for perfection often leads to dissatisfaction, while embracing imperfection helps foster resilience and joy. The author distinguishes between perfectionism and "optimalism," the latter being acceptance of ourselves as we are while striving for growth. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it: "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."
The book also dives into relationships and the importance of balancing conflict with kindness. Ben-Shahar emphasizes that little to no conflict might indicate avoidance, while healthy relationships require a mix of positivity and occasional challenges. I particularly loved …
This year, I've been exploring books on perfectionism, including "The Pursuit of Perfect" by Tal Ben-Shahar. I took a lot of notes while reading, and revisiting them reminded me of just how much the book offered, even if some ideas were more common sense than groundbreaking.
The central message of the book is clear: striving for perfection often leads to dissatisfaction, while embracing imperfection helps foster resilience and joy. The author distinguishes between perfectionism and "optimalism," the latter being acceptance of ourselves as we are while striving for growth. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it: "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."
The book also dives into relationships and the importance of balancing conflict with kindness. Ben-Shahar emphasizes that little to no conflict might indicate avoidance, while healthy relationships require a mix of positivity and occasional challenges. I particularly loved his idea of a "beautiful enemy"—someone who respects and loves us enough to challenge us constructively while accepting us unconditionally.
Another key takeaway was the PRP process for dealing with failure: Permission to be human, Reconstructing the situation, and gaining a wider Perspective. This simple framework felt actionable and relatable, especially for folks who tend to overanalyze every mistake. Not that I know anyone like that...
Not all of the book's content felt equally impactful though. While the advice about asking for help and practicing vulnerability was valuable, some parts felt repetitive or overly focused on exercises. While the practical strategies are helpful, I sometimes found myself wanting less homework and more room to reflect.
One of the most poignant sections addressed the societal pressure to project unbroken happiness, especially on social media. Ben-Shahar critiques the "clown mask" many of us wear, hiding our struggles behind forced smiles. It's a reminder that embracing our humanity—and the full range of emotions that come with it—is essential for true well-being.
Ultimately, "The Pursuit of Perfect" offers practical insights and strategies for anyone looking to let go of perfectionism. While not all ideas were revolutionary, the book's compassionate tone and actionable advice made it a worthwhile read.
