In-Between

This book made me feel like such a hypocrite and this review is just gonna mirror that sentiment.

Without getting into the whole can of worms I'm dancing around, I try to prioritize gay fiction that's written by out gay men. 1) to support my community but also 2) for a feeling of authenticity and believable characters based upon actual lived experiences that I could relate to. I'm also in favor of realistic depictions of gay sex that doesn't just treat us like sterile Ken dolls and isn't afraid to say the quiet parts out loud.

On paper, this book checks those boxes; there are no "fade to black" scenes and even if I couldn't draw direct real-world parallels to each of the characters to gay men I know personally, none of their actions felt illogical to me. But maybe this was a case where I wasn't careful with what I wished for because the descriptions were a little much for me. I'm specifically thinking about how rather unappealing descriptions of scents and smells and odors of body parts (and fluids) appear on damn near every other page. At times it felt like a focus on the worst aspects of gay life rather than a celebration of it.

Structurally I was also caught off-guard. The book is broken into only 5 massive chapters with huge time skips in between each one on the order of several months. It facilitates observing the central relationship develop quicker, yet the final chapter isn't told from the perspective of either of the two leads which felt like an odd change of gears. Still, I enjoyed seeing two men move beyond past transgressions from former lovers they both experienced and develop a bond that was unabashedly masculine. Also, there are very strong underlying themes throughout about being an immigrant in a foreign land that probably would've resonated with me much more if I were an immigrant myself, but I'd be remiss not to mention what at times felt like the actual central focus of the book.

While this may not have been the type of book I was expecting it to be or was in the mood to read, I cannot deny that it was well-written. Many parts made me uncomfortable (there's a very long politically-charged dinner party scene that jumps to mind), but always at the same points where the characters themselves were uneasy. And really it's a compliment that this book evoked emotions from me when it so easily could've failed to do so. I don't regret my time with this book, but I don't feel the need to revisit it anytime soon.