Breaking the habit of being yourself

So, I'm both absolutely in love with this book, but also a bit like this book needs some disclaimers if I were to ever recommend it to people in the future. This book is both incredibly informative and detailed about how one's personality develops overtime and the aspects of it, and then details how to change it, and the challenges one would face in trying to do so.

This book also discusses how our thoughts have a profound impact on our daily lives. This on its surface sounds odd, but I think he does a good job of explaining it, however, within his explanation he also includes some ideas that many people might not jive with. Some people (as I read some reviews), say that he's basically saying, "If you wish it hard enough you will get the outcome you want". Now, I can understand why someone would say or think that. Though, personally, looking beyond the surface of the words, I believe the intention he is trying to convey is simply the power of one's thoughts. He doesn't literally mean "if you wish it hard enough, you will get what you want". Rather he is saying that your thoughts will affect your perception of the world, and therefore how you behave in the world, and interact with it.

I won't deny that a couple examples provided were a bit "out-there", but aside from those examples, his message still rings some truth to it. Our thoughts do affect how we behave, how we feel, and thus how we perceive the world. I'm sure some of us heard of the phrase, "Put out the energy you want to attract", this is basically another version of that.

I think the his example when he discussed the mindset of "wishing" for something, like going on a dream vacation. Yeah, sure you can "wish" it all you want, but if you aren't "doing" anything to achieve that dream, then it will simply never come true. He expands on this idea by saying how if our thoughts are not in-line with our physical world, then we will have a mismatch in the "energy" we are putting out, and thus cause the outcome we want, to not happen. So, you can wish for a dream vacation, but are you saving money for it? Researching the places you want to go to? Planning the trip? Maybe even learn the language and immerse yourself in the culture before you get there? What actions are you doing?

Cause something that can happen is how we get stuck in thought patterns. If we get in the pattern of wishing for that dream vacation, alongside the pattern of not making tangible actions to make it happen, then of course it won't happen. It's just a pattern of thought you can't get out of.

A simpler example, which he also goes through in far more detail than I could get into, is how if every day you wake up thinking how today sucks, or how you hate your job, every day, then you are rehearsing, the same thoughts every day. Or if you look at yourself in the mirror every day and think about how ugly you look, and do that every time you look in the mirror, you are simply reinforcing those thoughts. Those neural connections get stronger and stronger.

Thankfully, it is possible, to change these thoughts. It takes diligence, it takes time, and it takes a lot of effort, and even fighting back against your own rehearsed thoughts. Going back to the mirror example. If you decide you will begin to say nice things about yourself, you may feel silly, and like this is stupid. But that's happening because the body wants to fight back against change. You are hard-wired to do the easiest most efficient thing, which is the thing you've been doing most of your life. So, to make that change, you will have to resist going back to the old ways of thinking. The neural connections to have "positive" thoughts about yourself aren't strong enough yet become the "normal". But the neural connections to the negative thoughts has had years to strengthen, and is therefore the easiest path for your brain to go to.

The detail he gets into about how this works is what I found most meaningful about this book. Maybe he himself doesn't do a perfect job of what he wants to say, but I believe his intention is to tell you the reader that the path to change is changing your thought patterns, which will then affect how you interact with the world.

So back to the mirror example. So let's say you've managed to practice saying positive things about yourself in the mirror for a significant period of time and then built up enough confidence to finally wear that outfit that you felt just wasn't right for you because you thought you were too ugly. Now you feel like, "I actually can pull this off" and finally decide to wear it. Or as he would say, you've rehearsed in your head how it might feel to wear this outfit with confidence. What would it feel like, and what would you do? And then actually do it. By rehearsing those thoughts, you have primed yourself to actually implement and do the thing you wanted to do. Now you can wear that outfit with confidence in how you look, and by having that confidence you will carry yourself differently in the world. People will notice it, and who knows you might meet some new people because you are "putting out the energy you want to attract".

Another thing I want to add is I have concerns about how he approaches his meditation technique. To give some background about myself, I had already been meditating on my own before I read this book. I've been doing it for over a year, and I do it for about 15 minutes a day, and I do miss days, but I try to more or less, do it every day. For me, I try to make sure I always come back to it. So even if I miss a whole week, as long as I come back to it, that is a win for me. It's me making tangible, long-lasting change for myself. And it has been a revolutionary change for me over the past year.

In the book, he discusses a meditation technique that is 1 month long, and gets progressively longer by each week, leading up to a 1 hour meditation. Now I was floored by the length of such a meditation session. Sure, I could do that on a weekend, or every so often, but not daily. I quite literally don't have time, and nor do I want to. I have other things I value more and would rather be doing. And it's funny as I write that because he specifically mentions how the biggest hurdle to overcome is "time". And I just think maybe, he just found something that works for him, and that's fantastic he wants to share it with everyone, in hopes that it helps people.

So I want to chime in with my little microphone that you do not actually have to do it this specific way to make meaningful change in your life. You can start small, 15, 10, 5 minutes. Trying meditation has definitely helped me make meaningful, and gradual change in my personality and my life. So I'd recommend doing meditation, however it works for you. Just keep doing it and come back to it if you miss some time.

I could probably go on a whole soapbox about what meditation has done for me, but this review is supposed to be about the book, so I'll end it here.

This book was a fantastic read for the information alone, but not literally everything in this book was gold. Some parts made me go "WOW THIS IS AMAZING, and other parts made me go, "I'm not so sure about that". So take what works for you, and leave what doesn't.