Review of 'Easy to love, difficult to discipline' on 'Goodreads'
4 stars
I first learned of Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky A. Bailey, Ph.D. from a friend who shares the same parenting ideals as I do. She talked about it sounding like a good book based on Ms. Bailey's website: www.beckybailey.com/ The website has many good ideas and basics to help a parent when disciplining. (And if going out and buying this book doesn't sound like something you want to do, running over to the tips section of the website should help you out and give you some idea if this is for you.) After she picked up the book and started reading it and proclaiming how wonderful it is, I decided to get a copy for myself. I have not been disappointed.
The chapters are entitled: 1. From Willful to Willing, 2. The Seven Powers for Self-Control, 3. The Seven Basic Discipline Skills, 4. Assertiveness: Saying No and …
I first learned of Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky A. Bailey, Ph.D. from a friend who shares the same parenting ideals as I do. She talked about it sounding like a good book based on Ms. Bailey's website: www.beckybailey.com/ The website has many good ideas and basics to help a parent when disciplining. (And if going out and buying this book doesn't sound like something you want to do, running over to the tips section of the website should help you out and give you some idea if this is for you.) After she picked up the book and started reading it and proclaiming how wonderful it is, I decided to get a copy for myself. I have not been disappointed.
The chapters are entitled: 1. From Willful to Willing, 2. The Seven Powers for Self-Control, 3. The Seven Basic Discipline Skills, 4. Assertiveness: Saying No and Being Heard, 5. Choices: Building Self-Esteem and Willpower, 6. Encouragement: Honoring Your Children so They Can Honor You, 7. Positive Intent: Turning Resistance into Cooperation, 8. Empathy: Handling the Fussing and the Fits, 9. Consequences: Helping Children Learn from their Mistakes, 10. Why Children Do What They Do: The Development of Misbehavior, 11. Loving Guidance in Action: Solving the Top Discipline Problems, 12. The Loving Guidance Program: Change Your Life in Seven Weeks, Epilogue, The "What-ifs" Page, References, and Index.
The introduction spends its time exploring why this method of discipline is important and needed. Her writing is concise and easy to follow. Important points are highlighted out of the text by bold print and separation lines. She gives an overview of the entire book in a few short sub-sections. She says it concisely when she says, "Discipline is a lifelong journey, not a technique." With the suggestions in this book, your life will be changed by how you live it and teach it.
The basic premise of her second chapter is that you must first have self-control before you can discipline your child or teach your child discipline. Self-control is the heart of discipline. Some people learned self-control as a child, other learned to fake it, and still others never learned the concept. This book is for everyone, although the second and third groups will get more out of the second chapter. In case you are curious, the seven powers for self-control are the powers of 1. attention 2. love 3. acceptance 4. perception 5. intention 6 free will and 7. unity. Starting in this chapter and in each chapter, there are very short, easy exercises to work though.
The third chapter deals with the seven basic discipline skills, which are 1. composure 2. assertiveness 3. making choices 4. encouragement 5. attributing positive intent 6. empathy 7. consequences. Ms. Bailey states that all these skills can be used in fear-based discipline and most often are, but that they can easily be used in love-based discipline and will be much more effective.
Chapters four through nine delve into each skill further, describing what it truly means to use this skill in love, giving examples of how to use the skills and phrases that may help. Each chapter ends with "There's No Time Like the Present!" describing what you can do now to implement that skill.
Chapter 10 describes what sort of misbehavior you can expect at certain developmental stages. The idea is that children are testing certain things at these stages and so what they do when they misbehave is fairly predictable. For instance, a preschooler often tells parents things that sound like lies, that are often embellishments of wishful thinking. These help them develop and deal with the idea of power and control, a central issue at this time in their life and development.
The eleventh chapter deals with common discipline encounters and how to solve them using the seven basic skills in love. The final chapter has a seven week program for implementing these skills and changing your children's life and your own!
I must admit, I'm still somewhere in chapter 10. I've been reading the book for two months. I've been reading it at an unusually slow pace so that I can absorb everything and work on implementing those skills. But our lives have changed. I am looking forward to finishing the book and implementing the program to help me.
You can learn new skills as an adult, but it is easier as a child. I would rather my child learned to live out of love than fear with inner discipline. Everything we do teaches our child something. Is it what we want them to learn?
