Love Her or Lose Her

I received an ARC from the publisher, so here's my honest review.

I find romance novels super satisfying because (1) it's fun to watch people fall in love and (2) experiencing other people's emotional growth first hand makes me hopeful about people in the real world. As a pessimist who occasionally sort of manages to claw my way to realist on a good day, it's lovely to feel hopeful about people. But the inherent drawback is that the book is over when the couple gets together, and we call it an HEA but we all know that relationships aren't actually like that, relationships take attention and work and they have their ups and downs and in some relationships there are enough downs that the relationship falls apart.

So it is surprising, melancholy, and lovely to read about that stage in a relationship, instead -- safe within the context of a romance novel, where of course we know the outcome before we even crack the first page. The main characters, Rosie and Dominic, are well past their HEA. They've been married for a long time, they've spent the last 5 years growing increasingly distant, and now Rosie's had enough, so she tells her husband it's over and walks out the door to stay with a friend. Dominic is desperate to win her back, so he agrees to couples therapy. Most of the book covers their therapy sessions and their homework, as they come to realize they don't really know each other anymore, or what the other partner wants and needs for him/herself and for the relationship. Dominic (who is overbearing and possessive) as a partner is certainly not my cup of tea at any point in the book, but I will say I got a little thrill reading about a guy with alpha male tendencies unlearning some of his toxic alpha masculinity to become a better partner.

Some things bugged me enough to knock its rating down. Dominic's pet name for Rosie is "honey girl" (better than "baby girl"... shudder), and men need to stop calling grown women "girl", like, yesterday. The book's narrator often refers to Rosie's best friend, Bethany, as "the blonde", which, WHY? It so strongly objectifies a character who specifically and vocally objects being objectified, underestimated, and stereotyped. Plot-wise, Rosie and Dominic's insatiable sexual attraction got old -- if they can't even look at each other without becoming visibly aroused and losing focus on the world around them, maybe this isn't the best relationship, as they are adults who want to be able to function in society. I found the (unrealistically) hippy-dippy therapist to be charming and funny, but I suspect he'll be polarizing for readers.

I keep waffling between 3 and 4 stars. There are enough drawbacks that it doesn't feel like a 4. But I LOVED that they were already married and we got to watch them resolve some of the issues in their relationship. So 3.5 stars, I guess.