The confessions

What if she… I don’t know, marked her territory by pissing in the corners of rooms? Did humans do that? I had no idea what they got up to at home. 

If I had to describe my impression of this book in one word, the word would be "puzzled." So many aspects of it just made me go... "Why? Why write it like that?" To be clear, I'm not referring to the content/concepts behind the story. What gets this reaction out of me is how they were executed. When it comes to the actual concepts, I actually really love them! There's plenty about this story to enjoy. The setting is interesting. The characters and their arcs have potential, and it's sweet how they're doing their best to be kind and considerate at all times. The romance evolves in interesting ways, both in terms of romantic and sexual dynamic. And I generally adore slice of life stories and slow burn. So this was supposed to be a book just made for me, right?

Wrong, apparently.

While I do enjoy character-driven slice of life books, I find that I want them to be, well, character-driven. I need the characters arcs and internal conflicts to come at the forefront of the story. Just like in a more high-stakes adventure novel I would expect every scene, even the downtime ones, to somehow move the adventure forward, in a character-focused slice of life I expect every scene to be about the character's journey. Here, I didn't get it at all. In fact, the character's journeys are totally buried under pages and pages of fluff, to the point that when they do recall what the supposed tentpoles of their arcs are and decide to think or talk about it, it hardly feels natural.

Like... Greid is supposed to be lonely, getting over his recent break-up, and coming to terms with his submissive nature. Beryll is supposed to be building a life of her own after getting out of a cult. Both those arcs have great potential and can be interwoven in interesting ways. Instead, the characters literally just Netflix and chill. There are multiple instances of the kind of inane conversation all of us have with our roommates. "What are your plans for the day? What should we have for dinner? Do you want to watch wrestling again?" It's way too mundane, too samey, and doesn't really tell me anything about the characters, the way it is executed. There are entire chapters devoted to describing food, made-up soap operas, infomercials, and goddamn blanket onesies. Everything else just drowns in this stuff. There are occasional relationship developments, poignant conversations, and funny lines of dialogue, but it's like trying to make out snippets of songs in a cloud of white noise.

Also, the characters feel so much younger than they should be. I did a double take when I read that Greid was supposed to be in his fourties. I was convinced that he was younger than Beryll. The way he acted, his thought process—all of it screamed "twenty-something" to me. Like, in one of his earliest appearances, he states that his ex was wrong to call him immature for smoking shade (a weed equivalent), because he was old enough to legally buy it, so that was the most mature thing he could do actually. Tell me this doesn't sound like someone who has *just* got old enough to buy legal drugs/drink/whatever, I dare you. 

With Beryll, I guess her immaturity is a little more understandable because she had spent her entire life in a cult. However, I have problems with her characterization as well. It's not just that she doesn't act thirty-five, it's that her behavior is inconsistent with her stated intentions. In the early chapters, when she's still in the cult, she's supposed to be "playing the long con," convincing the cultists that she shares their beliefs and values. What she actually does in those first few chapters is pointedly dress differently than literally everyone else and, in a conversation with her devout cultist friend, diss the object of their devotion. How that doesn't raise any suspicion is a wonder. It's the kind of behavior I would expect from a "not like the other girls" teenager in a YA novel, and even then I would raise an eyebrow if there were no repercussions. Also, later on the degree of Beryll's unfamiliarity with the real world keeps varying. It's mostly brought up when it comes to stuff like "I've never tried coffee or burgers," then gets forgotten when she does things I would expect someone who's been very sheltered and exposed mainly to a specific flawed world view to have trouble with. Such as various social interactions.

I have a bunch of other books by Lily Mayne on my TBR. From the blurbs, all of them look super intriguing, but I guess I should take a deep dive into reviews before I decide if it's worth reading them.

  | Rather a stodgy read, but some thorough accounts which filled in some gaps in my knowledge.

This book has been one of the slowest reads so far this year and took around 41 days to finish. My main struggle was with the language the book was written it. The underlying story was interesting, but there were so many extra words around everything. Especially in the first books, Augustine is constantly referencing back and forward between the past and the present and the relationship between his past actions and God. He regrets choices and actions that he took, but acknowledges that God was present in them and worked through them.
The more I read, the more the underlying story of Augustine's journey became clear. It showed that his was a slow meandering journey to finding God.
His mother, Monnica, is one of the main characters in the book, who is constantly praying to God to save her son. And her prayer is answered before her death, albeit not by many years.
The last chapter ended by tying up the experience with an honest look at how Augustine was living in the present. He struggled with wanting to follow God in his heart, but also wanting to follow his own wills/passions. It is an encouraging insight into the life of such a well-known, influential Christian theologian and philosopher showing that he never attained perfection, but was reassuringly human.