4.5
Rainbow Rowell may actually be evil. Mrs. Rowell, who gave you the right?????? I'm putting myself into a coma.

I regret being part of the swarm of fans that convinced RR we needed another book, because I (like many) just wanted fluff and magic and some loose ends tied, and instead I wound up with my heart ripped out. This is a spoiler free review, so I'm going to try to tread lightly, but let me say, straight out- this book destroyed me, and I have some mixed feelings about if I like it, but that doesn't mean I don't love it.

Okay, first of all- the commitment to actual mental health representation! Wow, when you said trauma you meant it. It hurt to read, but it makes me feel so heard and understood at the same time. Things aren't simple! You don't go from one idea of yourself to another without having to unravel your feelings and perception! You don't survive intense and terrible events (including the whole 7 years we don't even get to see) and then just dust off your palms and go "alright, let's go on a sweet dinner date". It would be wonderful if you did. It would solve so many problems if being in love actually healed you- and it's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that it should, and that there's something seriously wrong with you if you don't. It's heart breaking, for the person, and as someone who loves them. The thing about trauma and PTSD is, (surprise!) it's not fun! It's awful! And recovery is messy, infuriating, and completely exhausting! I understand that some people balked at seeing it laid out like that, because some times you just want to read for escapism, and this is not an escape at all. But, personally, I loved how real this is.

Agatha Wellbelove needs to be protected- though she would probably kill anyone who tried to body guard her at this point. Agatha specifically was so nice to see, not because there's a relief and resolution to it, like I'd hoped, but just because she's continuing on, and, again, it feels real. I love all of these characters so much, which is why this book is so painful, but this continuation of their selves doesn't hurt them, because it still feels genuine.

Did I love this book the way I love Carry On? No. But did I love it all the same? Yeah. I wish RR had told us in advance that we were getting 3 books, because I feel like it would have made my reading experience less anxiety inducing, and the ending less confusing. It feels like a publishing choice to me, personally. But, all that aside, I have high hopes for Any Way the Wind Blows, and will be freaking out about it until it finally comes out, and, most likely, long after.