This is a tragedy! No spoiler there because it’s clear within the first few pages.

In some ways it reminds me of Real Life by Brandon Taylor, perhaps because I just read that. A lot of damaged people hurting each other and not communicating very well.

David’s journey is so sad but relatable beyond his specific experience. I think we’ve all had some major self-deception projects at points in our lives, with awful results.

One of the things about this book that struck me is that while as a reader I wanted David to come to acceptance of his sexuality, I didn’t want him to be with Giovanni. Giovanni’s possession of David is real problematic. I’m not sure if that’s what Baldwin wanted me to think. And David is honestly no good for Giovanni, he leads him on. But I think part of what this book highlights is how finding healthy relationships is all the harder when your sexuality is considered “dirty.” The characters are all struggling with societal opinions and the internalization of that.

Favorite quotes:
People who believe that they are strong-willed and the masters of their destiny can only continue to believe this by becoming specialists in self-deception. Their decisions are not really decisions at all—a real decision makes one humble, one knows that it is at the mercy of more things than can be named—but elaborate systems of evasion, of illusion, designed to make themselves and the world appear to be what they and the world are not.

His body, which I had come to know so well, glowed in the light and charged and thickened the air between us. Then something opened in my brain, a secret, noiseless door swung open, frightening me: it had not occurred to me until that instant that, in fleeing from his body, I confirmed and perpetuated his body’s power over me. Now, as though I had been branded, his body was burned into my mind, into my dreams.