I went with 4 stars because while it didn’t work for me 100%, I think it’s going to stick with me. This felt a little like Luster and a little like Zazen. It had a bit more of an overarching story than Luster, which helped for me, but still had a lot of meandering self-destruction. It also had more of a clarity of message in the midst of the meandering that reminded me of Zazen.

This is a brutal story of a damaged woman. She’s not necessarily likable but I think in many cases she’s relatable. Though thankfully I have not had anything like the trauma in her life. The book feels like a study of the effects of that damage, and how a woman can then hurt other women, blame other women, and internalize misogyny in the wake of that damage. In all kinds of relationships - mothers, daughters, sisters, friends.

One of the most striking things in the book is the number of times men are unloading emotionally on Joan - even when they barely know her or it’s not appropriate. To me that speaks to the emotional labor that women are expected to perform for men as a whole.

Favorite quote:

… my mother said to me, You love your father better, and that is all right. I thought she was being petty, but suddenly I could call up the pain in her eyes. The unfairness that I thought he was the better of the two of them.
My father did not love one family more than the other. It was that he didn’t care about either more than he cared about himself.