Mixed feelings: I loved most of its parts, just not the entirety. Probably because I’m old and cismale, also in large part because I read it too soon after [b:World of Wonders|48615751|World of Wonders In Praise of Fireflies, Whale Sharks, and Other Astonishments|Aimee Nezhukumatathil|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1577258440l/48615751.SY75.jpg|73952157] and it’s impossible not to contrast them: the describe-a-creature-then-find-parallels-with-my-life thing was less effective this time; it was also a lot harsher in this book, chip on shoulder. I felt deeply sorry for the author, for their pain; also somewhat angry at their parents and parental figures for not teaching boundaries or enthusiastic consent. I feel angry thinking of how many more children out there will suffer because parents shy from difficult conversations.

Imbler writes elegantly. Their marine biology segments are informative and fascinating. Their memoirs profoundly vulnerable, distressing at times but in necessary ways: Imbler’s experiences will be more relatable to young people, but we olds can learn from them. If I had a high-school age person in my life, I would pass my book to them. For my friends, though: if you’ve read World of Wonders, skip this one, or perhaps wait a year or two. If you’ve read neither, but want to read one: both are excellent, pick WoW for a broader view of racism and a wider selection of living beings, pick HFtLR for intense and painful perspectives on toxic masculinity, rape culture, blackout-drinking, queer self-discovery (and a narrow focus on marine biology). You will be better for reading either one.

Favorite excerpt: When the sand striker snatches a fish and begins to feast, it is not thinking of what the fish is feeling. It has no complex brain and no sense of morality, which means its intentions are never cruel. A worm cannot shirk a duty it does not know. But we can.