As a chid, I'd been aware that although my family attended the same church as everyone in town, our religion was not the same. They believed in modesty; we practiced it. They believed in God's power to heal; we left our injuries in God's hands. they believed in preparing for the Second Coming; we were actually prepared.

This has been on my 'to read' list for a while and was added after being mentioned in Obama's favorite books in 2018. It took a few years but I am glad that I got around to the story.

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that it took me a few chapters to realize this was a memoire. When the cast of siblings were being introduced I figured they would have reminders about who they were as the story progressed and tended to gloss over those that were "b characters".

As a result of this I was slightly unfamiliar with names of brothers and sisters as the story went on. When I came across an unfamiliar name I wondered if they were a spouse of a sibling or an actual sibling. In the end, and what is important to the story, is that family is what you make of it and you can be as close to an in-law as you would a blood sibling.

Everything I had worked for, all my years of study, had been to purchase for myself this one privilege: to see and experience more truths than those given to me by my own father, and to use those truths to construct my own mind.

Tara grows up in a very difficult environment. Her parents have control over their children and established a system of dependence. I couldn't relate to the extremes that Tara was raised in but there were similarities and found those equally compelling and concerning.

I never uttered the words "I'm from Idaho" until I'd left it.

I cheered for a sports team because my Mother did. I liked a particular type of vehicle because my Dad did. Some of these ideals I carry with me still, others have been abandoned as I formed my own opinion. How many other exist within me still that I haven't attributed back to my upbringing? What misconceptions or beliefs have I not questioned and challenged? Do my childhood friends view me as an outsider because I didn't follow their standard story?

...how a person ought to weigh their special obligations to kin against their obligations to society as a whole.

This is the kind of story I would love to dig in to deeper, discuss with others, or even write an essay on. These emotions aren't common and it's invigorating to be reminded the power a book can have on you.

Why is Tara compelled to return to her family? How can Tara be so blinded to warning signs about her destructive family? Do the Westover kids succeed because of their life with their parents or in spite of it? The Westover's are guilty of gaslighting and on a macro level could be used to illustrate how larger groups of like minded people can subscribe to a reality unlike our own.

The importance of mental health is explored but even thought the 00's were not that long ago such conversations weren't as acceptable as they are in the 20's. What was enabled and what could have been avoided in the Westover household?

It was then I realized how cruelly I had judged her, how my perception of her had been distorted, because I'd been looking at her through my father's harsh lens.

The introspective journey I took while reading this book kept me occupied during the brief times I wasn't reading. There were numerous situations and quotes that I related to and some I had identified as being skewed and was grateful for that opportunity to correct these and, in some cases, spend time with that person before they passed and remember them for my view and not one forced on me.

Dad could command this science, could decipher its language, decrypt its logic, could bend and twist and squeeze from it the truth. But as it passed through him, it turned to chaos.

This is a memoire about a family but the issues discussed can easily be applied on a larger scale, but affecting change outward requires a journey within and is one we may be on for the duration of our lives.

The word and the way Shawn said it hadn't changed; only my ears were different. They no longer heard the jingle of a joke in it. What they heard was a signal, a call through time, which was answered with a mounting conviction: that never again would I allow myself to be made a foot soldier in a conflict I did not understand.