Why I am a Christian

I started reading this book under the recommendation of a Christian friend after I quitted the first and the only church I attended a few months ago, with tears and a broken heart. It was such a dark time; I doubted everything in my life: the meaning of being a Christian, the teachings from that church, and the purpose of being where I was. I opened this book in seek of answers to all of these questions.

To me, there's no doubt that I am a Christian: I was attracted to the joy and freedom that the people in the church and the experiences afterward are real; the change in my personality and life attitude is real. But I never actually hear the reasons for being a Christian from other people's perspectives.

I echoed this book with the very first chapter, which talks about how Jesus is relentlessly pursuing him. It is, for sure, not a choice after logical thinking to become a Christian. It is because I was put at a particular time and space in a particular condition, and I met this particular group of people. I somehow willingly followed an intuition to take a step into something unknown, which is not reasonable at all when I look back. Even when I thought I was about to give up believing, I was, again, put into another community that gave a message, which is exactly what's written in this book, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me (Revelation 3:20)". So I was persuaded that it is true that there's a power beyond us, watching us, persuing us, who will not give us up.

This book also solved some questions that have been bothering me for a while:
In the church I went to, people always practice "deny yourself", by denying the negative feelings and thoughts. I cannot agree because I was confused by the conflicts between "self-care" and "deny myself". I couldn't get it why I need to deny myself. The point mentioned in this book enlightened me that to "deny myself" is to care and love others. If we constantly live in our desires and struggles, we will have no room in our hearts to care and love others.

Also, I was a little resistant towards the verse "Take my yoke upon you (Matthew 11:29)" because the previous church was full of outward activities and works, which eventually made everyone worn out. I immediately relate "take my yoke" to "work for the church," but in this book, it says the way we "put on his yoke" is to "learn from him," to accept his teaching authority, which perfectly fit our humanity.

This book is the first Christian book I read in English other than the church materials from my first church. I will continue this journey of reading, and hopefully, these books will give me some answers in the upcoming years.