EmelineB reviewed BoyMom by Ruth Whippman
Review of 'BoyMom' on 'Goodreads'
3 stars
I really wanted to like this book, and it makes lots of good and important arguments. Of particular interest, the research on how biological specificity (such as brain areas developing at different times) of baby boys meets Western bias, leading to boys receiving less attention and affection from their parents. It also covers well different aspects of "modern masculinity" from the incels community, to the difficulty of changing the culture around sex after #metoo without ostracizing kids making mistakes.
I'm however struck by how negatively the book describes boys and the physicality of children, especially in the memoir part; and by the lack of discussion around ADHD, the increasing prescription of Ritalin and how this plays in a culture of performance that is detrimental to all children. There's no denying Ritalin helps some children. But there are tons of discussions around the over-diagnosis of boys, especially non-white boys, and how …
I really wanted to like this book, and it makes lots of good and important arguments. Of particular interest, the research on how biological specificity (such as brain areas developing at different times) of baby boys meets Western bias, leading to boys receiving less attention and affection from their parents. It also covers well different aspects of "modern masculinity" from the incels community, to the difficulty of changing the culture around sex after #metoo without ostracizing kids making mistakes.
I'm however struck by how negatively the book describes boys and the physicality of children, especially in the memoir part; and by the lack of discussion around ADHD, the increasing prescription of Ritalin and how this plays in a culture of performance that is detrimental to all children. There's no denying Ritalin helps some children. But there are tons of discussions around the over-diagnosis of boys, especially non-white boys, and how it affects them long term. When tying personal experience so tightly in the argument... these kind of questions need to be better addressed.
I was also (as the mother of a boy) disappointed by how being physically active is always seen through the lens of boyhood, and not discussed through:
- the lack of playground and outdoor spaces
- the lack of school designs enabling movement
- the lack of outdoor preschool options following best recommendations for that age (motor coordination is the substrate for socio-emotional regulation in early childhood!)
- that there are tons of concerns about children's lack of physical activity and their poor motor skills development, resulting from a lack of support for motor experiences in childhood
Good on boys for wanting more playful, active environments! What if instead of focusing on children fitting immediately and neatly in adults-like environments, we embraced play? I'm sad for the girls described in the book as better because they sit still, wondering if they were offered a chance to play.
The book is surprisingly essentialist despite itself, and illustrates issues I've run into again and again: any mistake my toddler makes is interpreted as due to boyhood, but the exact same behavior from his friends who are girls is interpreted as normal development. I was hoping the book would avoid this pitfall, but it doesn't.
(I might have more thoughts later)