The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

An excellent look into the intricacies of infidelity. It is important to understand the psychology behind relationships on both sides of the isle. Perel breaks the solutions down essentially to 3 main categories; one type of couple atrophy and can't see daylight, second pair might be able to learn from the experience and continue the relationship, while a third sees this as an opportunity to develop entirely new rules (polyamory). Is monogamy natural and does polyamory provide a realistic solution or generates only other types of infidelity or overload of responsibilities?

There are no one size fits all solutions and each relationship is different. While the book becomes repetitive in the second half, I would recommend all couples to read it and discuss its findings.

Relationships have evolved, along with our economic and social practices, expectations, and understandings. Esther Perel brings her deep and rich history as a psychotherapist and relationship counsellor, and many illuminating examples from her work with real people, to dive into the causes, impacts, and outcomes of marital infidelity to point to tools that all couples can (and maybe should) be using to deepen intimacy, commitment, and trust.

I would recommend this book to anyone looking to have a happy long term union with one or more others!

Perel’s profound insights into human emotions, and romantic relationships especially, expertly reveal judgments and stereotypes we don’t even realize we have. Her informal, relatable observations create an engaging environment for broadening perspectives and increasing self-knowledge.

The first 3 chapters of the book were kind of boring, to the point that I almost gave up on the book. The reading became much more interesting after that. I like how Esther adds so much nuance and layers to infidelity. I fundamentally changed my perspective on this topic, which in our days is grossly oversimplified and brings useless labels to all involved.