English language
Published Aug. 13, 2022 by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.
Baek Se-Hee is a successful young social media director at a publishing house when she begins seeing a psychiatrist about her--what to call it?--depression? She feels persistently low, anxious, endlessly self-doubting, but also highly judgemental of others. She hides her feelings well at work and with friends, adept at performing the calmness, even ease, her lifestyle demands. The effort is exhausting and overwhelming and keeps her from forming deep relationships. This can't be normal. But if she's so hopeless, why can she always summon a yen for her favourite street food, the hot, spicy rice cake, tteokbokki? Is this just what life is like? Recording her dialogues with her psychiatrist over a 12-week period, Baek begins to disentangle the feedback loops, knee-jerk reactions, and harmful behaviours that keep her locked in a cycle of self-abuse.
The beginning of this book was very relatable as a member of this world without absolutes. It touches on a lot of the issues with finding meaning with all of the moral ambiguities of living. After the first third, it switches focus more to struggles with self-esteem in largely a complain-heavy way, yielding minimal growth and learning. Still an interesting and raw look into someone trying to deal with everyday depression and anxiety though.
From what I understand there is still quite a lot of stigma around mental health in S Korea, so it must have taken a lot of courage for the author to publish such a frank and comprehensive 'write-up' of her counselling sessions. This was a book group read and it has led to some thoughtful and interesting discussions, but I felt that I would have enjoyed it more had it been better structured.
