She Comes First

She Comes First poses itself as a thinking-man's guide to sex, and especially for men who want to pleasure women. But I'm not convinced this is for thinking people. The author tries too hard to exude intelligence & humor by interspersing references to Strunk & White's [b:The Elements of Style|33514|The Elements of Style|William Strunk Jr.|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1393947922l/33514.SY75.jpg|35832], but that come across a smartass demonstrating their high IQ (similar to this).

The book starts with a very quick gloss over women's sexual anatomy and a brief discussion on foreplay, with a note tossed in that each woman's needs are different. Good?

Not quite, because the remainder of the book seems to focus primarily on pleasuring a woman orally, following a specific recipe, that seems to miss any point that what works for one person may not work for another. What if you're with someone that doesn't enjoy oral sex? Well, if this book is the go-to book for sexytimes, you and your partner are going to be disappointed.

Here's my litany if problems with this book:

First, as I've already pointed out, this book expects that women can only experience an orgasm through oral sex. While I understand that some women do enjoy it, some logic dictates that just because some people enjoy a thing, not everyone enjoys a thing. In this regard, only teaching oral techniques as a method to orgasm is about as dangerous as Freud insisting that a clitoral orgasm is inferior to a vaginal orgasm. It's basically a different dude imposing his desires on women.

Second, this book skirts around communication and consent. Maybe communication isn't a problem if you can't talk, because you're so busy focusing on following a script? Maybe it isn't an issue if you have preconceived notions of what to do? I don't know. Suffice it to say, instead of say, encouraging a couple to talk about their wants and desires, and learning what each partner wants, this book really hits home the that oral sex is the only way.

Third is that men that buy this book take it as truth, and then disappoint their significant others and themselves. All the while Ian Kerner can take your cash to the bank. Bad for you, great for him. I strongly feel that this book is aimed at dude-bros who play that they're interested in someone else's pleasure, but are only feeding their own.

Finally, my biggest problem is the popularity of this book. There are better books available that explain women's sexual anatomy without supposing any particular way that the person in front of you wants to be pleasured.

For other books, try [b:The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips|727822|The Clitoral Truth The Secret World at Your Fingertips|Rebecca Chalker|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1320436027l/727822.SX50.jpg|714024] or [b:Women's Anatomy Of Arousal: Secret Maps To Buried Pleasure|7198255|Women's Anatomy Of Arousal Secret Maps To Buried Pleasure|Sheri Winston|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1397688122l/7198255.SX50.jpg|7849947]. Both books contain a deep dive into women's anatomy. They also talk about political or spiritual themes that I feel detract from their main point, but are otherwise sound. Books that discuss communication, or that discuss psychology involved in sex and arousal, such as [b:Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life|22609341|Come as You Are The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life|Emily Nagoski|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1421037685l/22609341.SY75.jpg|42099345] would also be better.

I gave up about half-way through. Maybe the redeeming parts of this book are later, but if that's the case, Mr Kerner presents the information too little too late.