Ree Mellema quoted Notes of a Crocodile by Miaojin Qiu (New York Review Books Classics)
Set in the post-martial-law era of 1990s Taipei, Notes of a Crocodile depicts the coming-of-age …
Content warning Spoilers for main character feelings halfway through the book
That was how I started to see things. Or maybe this was the product of the schema that I'd long been using-unconsciously-to block out the outside world. That way of seeing had gotten me far in this world. But now everything I'd achieved in my first twenty-one years of life-connections I'd forged, status I'd earned, talent I'd nurtured, possessions I'd acquired, and traits I'd developed--were at the mercy of a death wish that negated it all. I'd always been surrounded by people who cared for me, but no matter how much they loved me, they couldn't save me: It just wasn't me. I never let others get too close and simply paraded a fake me that resembled their image of me. Sweeping that other me into their arms, they led me in a dance within societal norms, along a trajectory based on a delusion. (Though I couldn't define what I was, I knew what I wasn't.) I was shown the limits, and being confined within a set of walls tormented me and drained me of life, for the real me spanned multitudes, stretching far beyond the bounds of normality encircling ninety percent of the human race.
— Notes of a Crocodile by Miaojin Qiu, Bonnie Huie (New York Review Books Classics) (Page 121)
Guess I should start collecting quotes for my dissertation, and (parts of) this one would fit quite well, and be kinda personal without people knowing.
