This book frustrated me for so many reasons, and it's too difficult to not write a book about why because (unintentionally, I presume) I was made to think far too much about it. This review, sadly, is more of a jumble to keep the length down.

So here's a short list of the things I absolutely disliked:

1. In terms of clarity, switching between names in the narration text (even simple swaps between Ned/Eddard and Dany/Daenerys because nicknames are better used to indicate relationships between people). One of the first moments this caught on was switching between Theon/Greyjoy in the narration (rather than picking one of the two), which made me have to double-check that this was the same person. Also, throwing in nicknames between characters without making it clear to whom they refer (Pimple? Lover?).

2. Euphemisms for genitalia. All of it. Especially 'manhood'. How sexuality is discussed/used. Anything related to sex, honestly, because it's so badly written.

3. Eddard and House Stark as a whole. I have so many frustrations here because of how badly Eddard was handled (conflicting writing and personality, punching bag, etc), how Sansa and Bran were so badly written, how Arya was meant to be incoherent in overhearing something (but was coherent enough to then match with the beginning of Eddard's immediate chapter and Eddard didn't put the two things together) and how Catelyn was used as an observer (for comatose Bran, Lysa, and Robb rather than doing anything (and capturing Tyrion doesn't count).

4. The disconnect between the three arcs with vague and shallow connections between them, making it seem like they should be different series entirely.

5. Unnecessary incest, even if it's "plot relevant."

6. The vague discussion (and lack of commentary) of rape as a plot device or rape as a motivation. Mirri Maz Duur and her "cycle of revenge," in particular.

7. The overburdening of detail for telling the reader about things they don't need to read a dozen times (house sigils, I swear), but not giving necessary details (how Eddard deduces a lot of things without having much insight or narrative hints, how people learned of different events, etc).

8. Making characters who will betray too obvious (Littlefinger/Varys), especially since they can't stop talking about how they're untrustworthy... And then having Eddard trust one of them? Yeah, because he's so insightful?

The parts I liked were seriously under-utilised: The interactions of Sansa and Sandor, Arya and Syrio (which would've been a lot more interesting if it were shown), Eddard's moments of trying to better understand what happened (except he stopped doing this for no reason and started believing people despite his characterisation of 'being smart' or 'being insightful'), Tyrion and Jon, Tyrion and Bran, basically the moments where Tyrion actually had a heart.