At some point we all make a bad decision, do something that harms another person, or cling to an outdated belief. When we do, we strive to reduce the cognitive dissonance that results from feeling that we, who are smart, moral, and right, just did something that was dumb, immoral, or wrong.
Whether the consequences are trivial or tragic, it is difficult, and for some people impossible, to say, “I made a terrible mistake.” The higher the stakes—emotional, financial, moral—the greater that difficulty. Self-justification, the hardwired mechanism that blinds us to the possibility that we were wrong, has benefits: It lets us sleep at night and keeps us from torturing ourselves with regrets. But it can also block our ability to see our faults and errors. It legitimizes prejudice and corruption, distorts memory, and generates anger and rifts. It can keep prosecutors from admitting they put an innocent person in …
At some point we all make a bad decision, do something that harms another person, or cling to an outdated belief. When we do, we strive to reduce the cognitive dissonance that results from feeling that we, who are smart, moral, and right, just did something that was dumb, immoral, or wrong.
Whether the consequences are trivial or tragic, it is difficult, and for some people impossible, to say, “I made a terrible mistake.” The higher the stakes—emotional, financial, moral—the greater that difficulty. Self-justification, the hardwired mechanism that blinds us to the possibility that we were wrong, has benefits: It lets us sleep at night and keeps us from torturing ourselves with regrets. But it can also block our ability to see our faults and errors. It legitimizes prejudice and corruption, distorts memory, and generates anger and rifts. It can keep prosecutors from admitting they put an innocent person in prison and from correcting that injustice, and it can keep politicians unable to change disastrous policies that cost billions of dollars and thousands of lives. In our private lives, it can be the death of love.
Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) examines:
Why we have so much trouble accepting information that conflicts with a belief we “know for sure” is right.
The brain’s “blind spots” that make us unable to see our own prejudices, biases, corrupting influences, and hypocrisies.
Why our memories tell more about what we believe now than what really happened then.
How couples can break out of the spiral of blame and defensiveness.
The evil that men and women can do in the name of God, country, and justice -- and why they don’t see their actions as evil at all.
Why random acts of kindness create a “virtuous cycle” that perpetuates itself.
Most of all, this book explains how all of us can learn to own up and let go of the need to be right, and learn from the times we are wrong—so that we don't keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
The authors are convinced that self deception is a uniquely American trait, and chock it up to our fear of failure. Sounds suspect to me, and it's a thesis completely unsubstantiated by any of the numerous end notes (30% of the book!) Despite that and a few other nitpicks, it's a good intro to unselfconscious people into the inner workings of their minds. The book self-summarizes neatly with this quote: "Nowadays, when I feel passionate that I am 100 percent right about a decision that others question, I look at it again; that's all."
What I Learned Today. How I react to being wrong and how to correct myself. Mostly I have learned why others react the way they do to the mistakes they have made.
Second reading. My first was in 2007, before I was on Goodreads. I remember thinking then, boy are we fucked; nine years later an orange cockroach made it into the White House and this book helped me understand why. Also why the vast majority of those who supported the cockroach still do and can never be cured. This book helped me understand antimaskers, antivaxxers, and the mind-boggling hypocrisy of many so-called “christians.” It helps me understand so much about people.
More importantly, this book has helped me understand myself. In the years since I first read it, knowing this material has helped me think better when faced with moral questions. Act better. Be better. It’s much harder to self-justify yourself when you’re aware that you’re doing it.
This third edition (2019) has relevant timely updates, mostly in the examples but also one addition on resolving one’s inner conflicts. I consider …
Second reading. My first was in 2007, before I was on Goodreads. I remember thinking then, boy are we fucked; nine years later an orange cockroach made it into the White House and this book helped me understand why. Also why the vast majority of those who supported the cockroach still do and can never be cured. This book helped me understand antimaskers, antivaxxers, and the mind-boggling hypocrisy of many so-called “christians.” It helps me understand so much about people.
More importantly, this book has helped me understand myself. In the years since I first read it, knowing this material has helped me think better when faced with moral questions. Act better. Be better. It’s much harder to self-justify yourself when you’re aware that you’re doing it.
This third edition (2019) has relevant timely updates, mostly in the examples but also one addition on resolving one’s inner conflicts. I consider that a welcome and important addition. (There’s also a whole chapter on the cockroach. I skimmed it and find it unnecessary. Maybe it was cathartic for them to write it.)
How I wish everyone would read this book and take it to heart. Because if we don’t learn this, boy are we fucked.
