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this book was really hard and slow for me to get through the whole way, and i didn't really vibe with it until the ending. but seeing it through the slowness is maybe the part that matters. to see where the aimless journey takes you.

something interesting about the notion of burnout in the book is that a lot of the characters find themselves in a kind of stasis. a desire or wish to stop changing, a sense of loss, a sense of hopelessness, a desire for the world to stop moving. to cease. but even though there is a pain to growing up, they all embrace the change to come. the moments that pause and the moments that heal usher in a new change. yeongju finds change at the beginning, a force spurring the book's events to action. but she cannot connect to her past. it is frozen in place, and with it, her future. minjun finds change in coffee, in his perspectives on what a good life is. seungwoo embraces the professionalization of what was previously his passion. jimi finds change through the community. mincheol, through this moment of silence, discovers his inner voice. etc. etc.

i've wondered recently whether or not it is right to reject investing in the system entirely. capitalism sucks, it's true. the myths that younger folks are fed about hard work, merit, and so on are fraught. but change seems to come anyways. growth comes regardless of whether we want to or not. so, while we can't completely reject capitalism, there is also something freeing about knowing that the responsibilities, the challenges, and the messiness of capitalism and the "situation" we find ourselves also come with the agency to change them and shape our place within them. at least i feel a little more free in seeing the characters find their way rather than to hold onto the despair of wanting to "we had a good run maybe just scrap the whole thing and call it a day." because honestly, as much as i wanna escape into the fantasy of working on a farm or just being a baker or living off the grid, i probably wouldn't enjoy it all that much if i was doing it to escape something else.