This is how it always is

by Laurie Frankel

327 pages

English language

Published March 17, 2017

ISBN:: 978-1-250-08855-0
OCLC Number:: 936619853

(13 reviews)

"This is how a family keeps a secret...and how that secret ends up keeping them. This is how a family lives happily ever after...until happily ever after becomes complicated. This is how children change...and then change the world. When Rosie and Penn and their four boys welcome the newest member of their family, no one is surprised it's another baby boy. At least their large, loving, chaotic family knows what to expect. But Claude is not like his brothers. One day he puts on a dress and refuses to take it off. He wants to bring a purse to kindergarten. He wants hair long enough to sit on. When he grows up, Claude says, he wants to be a girl. Rosie and Penn aren't panicked at first. Kids go through phases, after all, and make-believe is fun. But soon the entire family is keeping Claude's secret. Until one day it explodes. This Is How It Always Is is a novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family. And it's about the ways this is how it always is: Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again; parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts; children grow but not always according to plan. And families with secrets don't get to keep them forever"--

7 editions

The Shattered Moon reviewed This is how it always is by Laurie Frankel

Review of 'This is how it always is' on 'Goodreads'

5 stars

Passionate, tender, and funny, This Is How It Always Is is a roller-coaster read that carries you along at a a terrific pace. Maybe sometimes you'd like a little bit of a breather to gather your thoughts, but at the same time I couldn't wait to see how it worked out for the family, and especially for young Poppy/Claude. Laurie Frankel has given us a whole family of three-dimensional (if occasionally a bit too precocious) kids and two parents who are, like most of the rest of us, just trying to do their best as best they can figure it out. You're rooting for them all all the way through, but especially for Poppy.
I thought I knew a bit about trans kids and gender dysphoria, but this book gave me a deeper insight into the reality of it; how the experience is different for every child and every family. …

Ames reviewed This is how it always is by Laurie Frankel

Nuanced exploration of having, and being, a trans kid

5 stars

This was a nuanced, and at times poetic, look at the challenges of having, and being, a trans kid. It was also a kind of fairy tale. I particularly liked the dialogue, which had the snappiness of 1940s films.

vampireindaylight reviewed This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel

Review of 'This Is How It Always Is' on 'Storygraph'

No rating

slow and small print
would've been fine if i got the audio book

loppear reviewed This is how it always is by Laurie Frankel

Who is changed?

4 stars

Who must change? Worth it for the parenting doubt and impossibility of easy answers, and for light writerly-in-jokes, on top of the central gender and gendering questions it wrestles with in earnest.

Sandra reviewed This is how it always is by Laurie Frankel

Review of 'This is how it always is' on 'Goodreads'

3 stars

This was an interesting, thought provoking read for the most part. The family seemed a little contrived, but okay. What kind of ruined it a bit, for me, was the ending which became far-fetched, corny and sappy "happily ever after". I understand all the reasons why it ended like it did, but I thought it was a bit unbelievable and too tidy.

Still and all, worth a read.

pithypants reviewed This is how it always is by Laurie Frankel

Review of 'This is how it always is' on 'Goodreads'

3 stars

So. I applaud Frankel for writing what I think is the first modern fiction about raising a transgender child. It's an interesting topic and I think it will help people wrap their heads around what it is to be transgender and all the challenges along the path. Some of her writing was beautiful and clever, like a delicate cocoon spun around a well-constructed story.

Where it didn't work (and what caused me to demote it to 3-stars instead of four) is in some of the dialogue... it feels like she uses the parents' conversations as lectures to the reader, like a shortcut to get her point across. It feels out of sync with the rest of the writing, sometimes patronizing, sometimes cliche, and often artificial.

Even with its flaws, I recommend this book. It has a lot of heart.