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this memoir was full of the most intimate thoughts, the vulnerability michelle zauner shared in her book really had a grip on my heart. what's funny is that her style of writing kinda reminded me of my own way to write, describing the smallest moments in incredible detail in order to hold on to dear memories. all the descriptions of the high variety of korean food in this book made me incredibly hungry at 2am lol, and i think i might have to do some research on the names of the different meals so that i can picture them better in my head. while the beginning and the end of the book was a little too slow-paced for me, the middle part was gut wrenching and gripping, and sometimes i feared reading the next chapter because being confronted with the imagery of a slowly dying mother just scared the living shit out of me, but still, i think i learned a lot from this. i also love how this is a memoir of a musician who dedicated the first album to her mother, with her face on the album cover, so i immediately developed a kind of relationship to the album as well, even though i didn't really listen to it before. all in all, a sometimes feelingswise-tough, but good read for me!

die ersten zwei teile des buches waren für mich eine klare 4/5, aber dann kam der dritte und letzte teil (flaming trees) und das war für mich einfach soul crushing heart breaking gut wrenching, like i felt the pain and emptiness of this woman as it was my own - ich weine eigentlich selten wegen büchern, aber this one had me sobbing. for rememberance hier (out of context) ein paar textstellen, die mich besonders gebrochen haben, einfach nur für mich selbst

[it was a fact. she had never lived. even as a child, as far back as she could remember, she had done nothing but endure. she had believed in her own inherent goodness, her humanity, and lived accordingly, never causing anyone harm. her devotion to doing things the right way had been unflagging, all her success had depended on it, and she would have gone on like that indefinitely. she didn't understand why, but faced with those decaying buildings and straggling grasses, she was nothing but a child who had never lived.]

['was that it, mum? was this what made you laugh?']

['you see, it was just a dream.' but was that really true? right then, in the ambulance, she wasn't sure. had it really been just a dream, a mere coincidence? because that had been the morning when she turned her back on the sun as it rose over the silent trees and retraced her steps back down the mountain, wearing her faded purple T-shirt.]

[it's your body, you can treat it however you please. the only area where you're free to do just as you like. and even that doesn't turn out how you wanted.]

i have so much to say, and so many thoughts about this book, yet i haven't found the right words yet to translate my thoughts and feelings into written words (which is funny because that book is all about language, lol). all i can say for now is that this book made me fall in love with reading all over again, and now i just want to deep dive into my tbr list, well knowing that i have to realize and come to terms with the fact that babel has put my expectations very high as it has embodied literally everything i love about reading and literature and scratched the language nerd part of my brain so incredibly well. this is definitely one i will revisit a couple of times and which will cross my mind for a while. it was impossible to catch up on all the research, the historical contexts and backgrounds and OF COURSE the language and etymology facts during the first read, but i am ready to soak them all up. well, not quite ready, yet, as this has to settle a little and i have to arrange my thoughts first. but i am looking forward to it, and also looking forward to (maybe) share my thoughts in more detail.

i read this somewhen in autumn 2022 and just noticed that it wasn't on my read shelf until now, lol.
tbh i don't remember much of it, only that i read it during a long train ride and found it somewhat relatable here and then and that there were some smutty scenes, but nothing more and nothing less