Good, very nuts-and-bolts guide for folks thinking of trying nonmonogamous relationship styles. I found the history interesting and some of the practical tips useful (especially around jealousy, legal issues and childcare). I was sort of hoping for a book to share with people who know nothing about the topic (and aren't necessarily interested in it for themselves), and I think this is less that. Probably the new version of The Ethical Slut (though I never did read that one).
Admittedly, this review is quite possibly too too unfair. It just felt like the most fitting thing to do. So the thing is: There is something at once relieving and disappointing about books on polyamory. The relieving part is to come into contact with something else than the depressing realities of serial monogamy, to read stories of people who tried to be sincere with each, to read stories of many different ways of loving each other really (this is the strength of the book, it shows diversity and that love can be many things). The disappointing thing is this general feeling of schematism, of overly self-conscious individual 'choosing' a way of life instead of life choosing them. You get the feeling that people who practice 'polyamory' are on some kind of identity building project, trying to make a philosophical point or wanting to find truth in a manual with tidy …
Admittedly, this review is quite possibly too too unfair. It just felt like the most fitting thing to do. So the thing is: There is something at once relieving and disappointing about books on polyamory. The relieving part is to come into contact with something else than the depressing realities of serial monogamy, to read stories of people who tried to be sincere with each, to read stories of many different ways of loving each other really (this is the strength of the book, it shows diversity and that love can be many things). The disappointing thing is this general feeling of schematism, of overly self-conscious individual 'choosing' a way of life instead of life choosing them. You get the feeling that people who practice 'polyamory' are on some kind of identity building project, trying to make a philosophical point or wanting to find truth in a manual with tidy little labels for any kind of 'variety' of non-monogamy you desire. It's as if a bunch of sociologist came together and decided to love each other and then categorize everything they did. My soul is hurt a little bit every time a form of life like this is put into such tidy boxes. Can we not just accept the fact that serial monogamy is morally bankrupt, that monogamy is not a realistic option any more (if it ever was) and just take it from there ... Try to live in this world and love each other in a thousand ways without some sociologist's names. Where is fate, where is this thing called love that is not so much a choice as an abandon, something that takes me and which I can either embrace or betray?
This is so much better than The Ethical Slut (which I probably should downgrade by now) and features a wide spectrum of non-monogamous relationship models. Opening Up is more concise, cuts away all the new age nonsense (no chi or chakra!), and features a snowballed sample of ~100 people which were interviewed for this book. I know, the plural of anecdote is not data (especially for snowballed interviews), but even if the interviewees are not representative you gain a much broader perspective.
Some of the "recommendations" are a bit too much OCD for my taste (on the other hand if you're a pilot or just love to tick checkboxes you might enjoy the contract-stuff) but then those "recommendations" are just that, it's not that the author really thinks you need to adopt those if they don't fit you/the people in your relationship(s).
If you want to read a book on …
This is so much better than The Ethical Slut (which I probably should downgrade by now) and features a wide spectrum of non-monogamous relationship models. Opening Up is more concise, cuts away all the new age nonsense (no chi or chakra!), and features a snowballed sample of ~100 people which were interviewed for this book. I know, the plural of anecdote is not data (especially for snowballed interviews), but even if the interviewees are not representative you gain a much broader perspective.
Some of the "recommendations" are a bit too much OCD for my taste (on the other hand if you're a pilot or just love to tick checkboxes you might enjoy the contract-stuff) but then those "recommendations" are just that, it's not that the author really thinks you need to adopt those if they don't fit you/the people in your relationship(s).
If you want to read a book on the topic I'd say you should go for this over The Ethical Slut, but your milage may vary.
