Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

Given the title of the book, it’s probably obvious I read this for deeply personal reasons. I won’t get into that here, but it does help to understand why I read this book. For what it says on the tin, it is a useful and interesting book that delves into the psychology of emotionally immature people. Though it focuses on parents in particular, after reading the book, it becomes quite clear that a person meets such emotionally immature people often in life. I’ve had a lot of friendships and acquaintances that didn’t work out, which in retrospect is likely due to this (and other factors of course).

Gibson is a compassionate and understanding guide. She doesn’t pull her punches, but she does make sure to reaffirm positive messages and give the reader space to process their own psychological needs. For me, a lot of the content in the book didn’t really apply – I’ve long since resigned myself to not needing or having my family in my life. This book is aimed at those who haven’t begun questioning their parents or those who still idolize them. Sometimes the book felt basic or repetitive at parts because of this. Still, Gibson does provide valuable insights into emotionally immature and mature people, backed by various cited research. I did learn about certain qualities that befit both groups, and appreciated the section on finding emotionally mature people to connect with, as well as how to respond with ‘maturity awareness’. That reminded me of the grey rock technique, which is also helpful in dealing with obstinate and immature parents (or anyone, really).

It is tough having to deal with the fact that this emotional familial connection, something which most people take for granted, is not something you can count on growing up or even as an adult. Gibson’s book is here to show you how to move forward in spite of that, and encourages learning to become emotionally resilient on your own.

‘…the three steps involved in the maturity awareness approach: expressing yourself and then letting it go; focusing on the outcome rather than the relationship; and managing the interaction rather than engaging emotionally.’

‘I now know exactly who I am. Others aren’t going to change, but I can change.’

Given the title of the book, it’s probably obvious I read this for deeply personal reasons. I won’t get into that here, but it does help to understand why I read this book. For what it says on the tin, it is a useful and interesting book that delves into the psychology of emotionally immature people. Though it focuses on parents in particular, after reading the book, it becomes quite clear that a person meets such emotionally immature people often in life. I’ve had a lot of friendships and acquaintances that didn’t work out, which in retrospect is likely due to this (and other factors of course).

Gibson is a compassionate and understanding guide. She doesn’t pull her punches, but she does make sure to reaffirm positive messages and give the reader space to process their own psychological needs. For me, a lot of the content in the book didn’t really apply – I’ve long since resigned myself to not needing or having my family in my life. This book is aimed at those who haven’t begun questioning their parents or those who still idolize them. Sometimes the book felt basic or repetitive at parts because of this. Still, Gibson does provide valuable insights into emotionally immature and mature people, backed by various cited research. I did learn about certain qualities that befit both groups, and appreciated the section on finding emotionally mature people to connect with, as well as how to respond with ‘maturity awareness’. That reminded me of the grey rock technique, which is also helpful in dealing with obstinate and immature parents (or anyone, really).

It is tough having to deal with the fact that this emotional familial connection, something which most people take for granted, is not something you can count on growing up or even as an adult. Gibson’s book is here to show you how to move forward in spite of that, and encourages learning to become emotionally resilient on your own.

‘…the three steps involved in the maturity awareness approach: expressing yourself and then letting it go; focusing on the outcome rather than the relationship; and managing the interaction rather than engaging emotionally.’

‘I now know exactly who I am. Others aren’t going to change, but I can change.’