Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

This was one of the few books I have ever marked up.

When I started the book, I thought I was basically nice to myself. You know, supportive, kind, understanding... Ohhelllno. I was so much nicer and more understanding to other people than I was to myself. It's still hard, in some ways, given my upbringing, to be compassionate at all. But I learned so much from the book.

I read it carefully and slowly, digesting the chapters along the way. I think I read about 1 chapter every week or two. It was so helpful to me to be able to sit with the information and think about how I really felt about it and how to integrate the advice into my life.

There was one chapter I had a problem with... what was it? I think where she spent the chapter slamming another tool. Self-esteem? She basically said it was the root of all evil in the US, creating narcissists. While I agree that it's not the tool we thought it was, I felt she took it too far.

Her research into compassion was very helpful to me, and I highly recommend this book.

You want an example? Before I read the book, my self thoughts were similar to "I'm fat and ugly." I couldn't see beyond my weight. The other day, I actually thought to myself, "I know I'm still pretty. I also know most people don't find people my size attractive. And I'm OK with that."

Have you ever read a very promising book only to get halfway through and feel like you've been reading about what the book has to offer you, rather than having read the offerings themselves? This book is a reminder that relying on PhD in the author's name isn't a long term strategy.

This book left me with the (probably wrong) sense that it was written for people who don't need help with serious issues.

Example: "Finally, as her pain started to subside, she began to trust others, and that her past no longer had anything to do with her present. The last time I heard from her, Emily was engaged to a wonderful man who deeply loved and appreciated her, and whose love and appreciation she could finally allow herself to receive."

Now this is probably a fairly common story about the power of therapy, and someone who grew through many sessions of interactive therapy with a qualified doctor providing therapy. But it's not presented as that. What did Emily do? She just told herself, "I love and accept myself exactly as I am" according to Dr. Neff.

There is good in this book, but it feels like panning for gold, slinging mountains of slop over your shoulder until you find a nugget. I believe there is a lot of useful stuff in this book, and I appreciate the perspective, but it's blatantly untrustworthy.