How to Win Friends and Influence People

7 hrs and 15 mins

English language

Published Sept. 30, 1998 by Simon & Schuster Audio.

4 stars (168 reviews)

This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to "the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people." He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person's point of view and "arousing in the other person an eager want." You …

35 editions

Felt repetative & wasn't super helpful (for me)

3 stars

As others have said, this probably could have been slimmed down a little more for ease of remembering. The "rules" tend to be very similar so it would be easy to get them confused while trying to impart what you learned into real life.

I also just didn't have a lot to take away from this. I was raised to be a people-pleaser so a lot of the suggestions I have already implemented in my life without having a direct name for it or realizing why I do it. It gave me a little more clarity, but that was it.

Some good, some bad

3 stars

Although there have been updates to modernize the book, it feels dated, like it was written for 1930s salesmen. Recommending using peoples names often, coaxing their birthday out of them, referring to dog training as a way to think about how to act around people you want to influence. It briefly mentions the importance of going into conversations with an open mind and willing to have your opinion changed, but mostly starts with the presumption that what the reader wants and needs is to convince others to their own opinion.

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

5 stars

At first, I thought about how trivial the principles were, which explains why it is part of the high school curriculum in some places. Then, I appreciated the low-key language and practical examples used as the principles were easy to grasp.
Also, I find that many of the principles are now common sense in our day and age. The latter is understandable as the book belongs to a different era. I learned a thing or two—tremendous and easy-to-read text.

Slightly Stretched

3 stars

I understand that this book was written in an entirely different period all-together, however, the pace following each point is far too slowed. Carnegie tells multiple stories for every argument he makes in relation to the human psyche and these all help to sell said arguments but also slow the book's overall pace down as you already know what the outcome of each story will be. Definitely some fascinating arguments and, given how short it is, I would absolutely recommend people to read How to Win Friends and Influence People but it is slow.

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

3 stars

There were some good bits of information in the book, but I found a lot of it to be contrived, outdated, and sometimes sexist.

Sometimes too many examples.

If you followed this book 100%, you’d be a bit of a cartoon character, and possibly a huge pushover.

There were definitely still some good takeaways, and overall I think the things I have learned from this book have made me a better person. Though one should definitely be aware of how old this book is and how sexist it can be.

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

3 stars

Super repetitive, but still well-written and interesting. My big ick with this book is that it reads like a manual for sociopaths. The author seems to view friendships as less mutualistic and more competitive (typical capitalist mindset).

Do not use this book as a formal guide! Noting down people's names and birthdays could be weird, and using their first names in the beginning of every sentence makes you sound like a rookie car salesman. Reading the room is an important but soft skill that is better learned from experience than theory.

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

2 stars

Gee golly! With the tips from this book, I now have the confidence and gumption to put on my best suit and hat, walk up to the foreman of the local manufacturing plant, give him a firm hand shake, look him in the eye, and ask for a job!

Seriously though, some of the tips from this book are marginally useful, but I was turned off by Carnegie's bizarre love affair with Robert E. Lee and his romanticism of the Confederacy, which he brings up several times in a few chapters.

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

3 stars

I didn't love this book. It basically enumerates anecdotes about successful people — for some definition of success I'm not too excited about — which are by definition prone to survivorship bias, followed by just-so stories in an attempt to extract some generalisable principles, and then follows that up with anecdotes of "regular people" who had some remarkable experiences supposedly due to applying those principles.

The anecdotes did little to serve as convincing arguments for the truth of the principles, which made the book feel like there was a lot of filler content just to turn a short list of principles into a full book. For example, there's the anecdote about the guy who complimented someone's interior, and then went on to be gifted a car. Sure, it's a fun anecdote, but it's also clearly the exception.

Another example I can't resist to mention: apparently the young H.G. Wells was …

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

3 stars

The advice in this book ranges from great to situational to downright bad.

There's some great advice. Be a good listener, take a genuine interest in other people's interests, admit when you're wrong, try to see and speak to the other person's point of view. All sound, all helpful. All things that reading this book reminded me I should do more.

But throughout the book I found myself realizing how absolutely terrible some of the advice is. He tells an anecdote of a dentist leaving a note for night staff suggesting they work "extra hours to make sure everything is clean." He claims this as a friendly way to encourage better results. It sounds like a passive aggressive threat to me.

And all of the advice about disagreement seems to assume that the disagreement has no stakes besides a hurt feeling or a lost sale. He tells you to avoid …

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

5 stars

It has a great overview of techniques for non-toxic conversations but it's a little bit dangerous and shallow. I was walking around it for years and was afraid it's a collection of insecure tricks for used car salesmen. But it isn't.

It's easy to read and there's a lot of examples from the lives of famous (and not-so-famous) people. So it's a worthy read even if you just want to entertain yourself.

What do I mean by dangerous? It's very easy to fall into a people-pleaser mentality after reading this. Applied bluntly, advice from this book may lead to flattery and many people despise it.

What do I mean by shallow? It has answers on 'how'-questions, not 'why'. How to make a good first impression? How to criticize and not be hated for it? It's not obvious why Carnegie's answers to those questions actually work. If you're interested, Difficult Conversations …

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

5 stars

This is a book full of wisdom and a book you can understand better if you have made enough mistakes while dealing with people.

The most important truth: Our human beings are craving for and desperately need the feeling of importance.

If you want to improve relationship with other people:
- Be interested in the other people

- Remembering their names

- Remembering their birthday

- Be thoughtful other people, willing to spend time to do things for other people

- Giving them they really want

- Be a good listener, encourage them to talk about themselves. People won’t listen to you while they’re still have a lot of ideas to get out.

- Ask questions the other people can and will enjoy answering.

- Be sympathetic, try to understand the other people.

- Avoid to embarrass your friends by making them feel inferior.

If you want to motivate the …

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

5 stars

Jakkolwiek obecny rynek książek samopomocowych, motywacyjnych czy najrozmaitszych poradników sprawia, że na książki tego typu patrzy się z wielkim dystansem, tym lepiej poszukać starszych pozycji.
Sięgnąłem po książkę Carnegiego dzięki poleceniu Mirosława Zelenta z Pasji Informatyki - i zgadzam się! - pozycja ta zawiera naprawdę konkretne porady, które naprawdę działają!
Całość okraszona przykładami osób, które "zdobyły przyjaciół i zjednały sobie ludzi". Do tego dochodzi jeszcze przyjemność z czytania o ludziach z poprzedniej epoki - i choć dziś już takich ludzi nie ma, porady z książki są uniwersalne i sprawdzą się - dosłownie - także dziś. Książka wspaniale wydana - w kieszonkowej formie. Pomijam już fakt, że książkę samą w sobie czyta się świetnie.
Sięgnę z pewnością po pozostałe książki Carnegiego.

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Subjects

  • Relationships
  • Influence
  • Leadership
  • Business communication
  • Success
  • Psychology
  • Conduct of life
  • Self-help techniques
  • Interpersonal relations
  • Applied Psychology

Lists