How to Win Friends and Influence People

by Dale Carnegie

304 pages

Published April 5, 2007 by Vermilion.

ISBN:: 978-0-09-190681-8
OCLC Number:: 62795939

(187 reviews)

Humans are relational beings. This is the best self-improvement book to know how to create meaningful and fruitful relationships.

35 editions

lown reviewed How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

what a weird lil book

3 stars

What a weird book. Most of the rules are 'don't be a dick', but some are so simple and incisive that seeing them written down is genuinely helpful. Every anecdote is the same: "I was being a dick. Then I went to Dale's course, tried not being a dick, and what do you know: not only did I get what I wanted (money (it's always money)), but they even gave me more (money)!" At times, it's genuinely charming and the world it describes seems so much simpler than the present. I liked the bits where Carnegie remembers his own maxims and reminds the reader that they have to genuinely be nice to people, not just pretend to do it to get more money. But what stuck most for me was the 30s attitude to child discipline. All the stories about children go "we would beat and punish and scream at our toddler/teenager, and weirdly that wasn't effective and they were sad?? Anyway, then we tried to 'listen' to their 'point of view', and if we managed to suspend our disbelief that they even HAVE a point of view or desires outside our own, they suddenly started behaving much better. Obviously after that it was back to the discipline, but there you go! Children! Who knew!". It explains a lot about older people, because they're the children of those children.

KnitAFett reviewed How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Felt repetative & wasn't super helpful (for me)

3 stars

As others have said, this probably could have been slimmed down a little more for ease of remembering. The "rules" tend to be very similar so it would be easy to get them confused while trying to impart what you learned into real life.

I also just didn't have a lot to take away from this. I was raised to be a people-pleaser so a lot of the suggestions I have already implemented in my life without having a direct name for it or realizing why I do it. It gave me a little more clarity, but that was it.

emartin reviewed How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Some good, some bad

3 stars

Although there have been updates to modernize the book, it feels dated, like it was written for 1930s salesmen. Recommending using peoples names often, coaxing their birthday out of them, referring to dog training as a way to think about how to act around people you want to influence. It briefly mentions the importance of going into conversations with an open mind and willing to have your opinion changed, but mostly starts with the presumption that what the reader wants and needs is to convince others to their own opinion.

Eszter reviewed How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale by Dale Carnegie

Interesting book

4 stars

I learnt a lot about dealing with people from this book. Still, many principles were quite repetitive.

groundhogdaywebBooks reviewed How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale by Dale Carnegie

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

5 stars

At first, I thought about how trivial the principles were, which explains why it is part of the high school curriculum in some places. Then, I appreciated the low-key language and practical examples used as the principles were easy to grasp.
Also, I find that many of the principles are now common sense in our day and age. The latter is understandable as the book belongs to a different era. I learned a thing or two—tremendous and easy-to-read text.

Nathan John Cooper reviewed How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Slightly Stretched

3 stars

I understand that this book was written in an entirely different period all-together, however, the pace following each point is far too slowed. Carnegie tells multiple stories for every argument he makes in relation to the human psyche and these all help to sell said arguments but also slow the book's overall pace down as you already know what the outcome of each story will be. Definitely some fascinating arguments and, given how short it is, I would absolutely recommend people to read How to Win Friends and Influence People but it is slow.

jiewawa reviewed How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Started off really strongly, but quickly became boring

3 stars

As the book went on, it became more of a chore to read. There are a lot of good ideas in the book, but I feel as though there are too many similar examples that have the same results and very few will stick with me.

steezeburger reviewed How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale by Dale Carnegie

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

3 stars

There were some good bits of information in the book, but I found a lot of it to be contrived, outdated, and sometimes sexist.

Sometimes too many examples.

If you followed this book 100%, you’d be a bit of a cartoon character, and possibly a huge pushover.

There were definitely still some good takeaways, and overall I think the things I have learned from this book have made me a better person. Though one should definitely be aware of how old this book is and how sexist it can be.

ano reviewed How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale by Dale Carnegie

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

3 stars

Super repetitive, but still well-written and interesting. My big ick with this book is that it reads like a manual for sociopaths. The author seems to view friendships as less mutualistic and more competitive (typical capitalist mindset).

Do not use this book as a formal guide! Noting down people's names and birthdays could be weird, and using their first names in the beginning of every sentence makes you sound like a rookie car salesman. Reading the room is an important but soft skill that is better learned from experience than theory.

Nick Kerker reviewed How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale by Dale Carnegie

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

2 stars

Gee golly! With the tips from this book, I now have the confidence and gumption to put on my best suit and hat, walk up to the foreman of the local manufacturing plant, give him a firm hand shake, look him in the eye, and ask for a job!

Seriously though, some of the tips from this book are marginally useful, but I was turned off by Carnegie's bizarre love affair with Robert E. Lee and his romanticism of the Confederacy, which he brings up several times in a few chapters.

Vincent reviewed How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale by Dale Carnegie

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

3 stars

I didn't love this book. It basically enumerates anecdotes about successful people — for some definition of success I'm not too excited about — which are by definition prone to survivorship bias, followed by just-so stories in an attempt to extract some generalisable principles, and then follows that up with anecdotes of "regular people" who had some remarkable experiences supposedly due to applying those principles.

The anecdotes did little to serve as convincing arguments for the truth of the principles, which made the book feel like there was a lot of filler content just to turn a short list of principles into a full book. For example, there's the anecdote about the guy who complimented someone's interior, and then went on to be gifted a car. Sure, it's a fun anecdote, but it's also clearly the exception.

Another example I can't resist to mention: apparently the young H.G. Wells was deeply unhappy working in some lanky basement, surrounded by rats. After writing a former teacher about his predicament, that teacher made the small effort to tell him that he believed in him, and thereby turned his life around. Oh and by the way, he also offered him a better job as a teacher, but surely that had nothing to do with it.

However, it's not necessarily a useless book. All of us have the experience of all the years we've been on this earth, and with that, are rather well-equipped to judge how people respond in certain situations — at least when given the time to ponder. So while not all principles are useful (the principles in part 2 all basically come down to "be genuine in your appreciation", which has to come naturally by definition) and some are redundant, many of them are concrete enough to be able to relate them to situations in your own life in which in hindsight, it's clear that it would have been better for your relationships if you had not flaunted them, even if they are not a sure-fire way to achieve your goals.

Whether this book will actually help you to prevent that mistake in the future? I have yet to find out.

nix reviewed How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale by Dale Carnegie

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

3 stars

The advice in this book ranges from great to situational to downright bad.

There's some great advice. Be a good listener, take a genuine interest in other people's interests, admit when you're wrong, try to see and speak to the other person's point of view. All sound, all helpful. All things that reading this book reminded me I should do more.

But throughout the book I found myself realizing how absolutely terrible some of the advice is. He tells an anecdote of a dentist leaving a note for night staff suggesting they work "extra hours to make sure everything is clean." He claims this as a friendly way to encourage better results. It sounds like a passive aggressive threat to me.

And all of the advice about disagreement seems to assume that the disagreement has no stakes besides a hurt feeling or a lost sale. He tells you to avoid …

Sergey Machulskis reviewed How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale by Dale Carnegie

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

5 stars

It has a great overview of techniques for non-toxic conversations but it's a little bit dangerous and shallow. I was walking around it for years and was afraid it's a collection of insecure tricks for used car salesmen. But it isn't.

It's easy to read and there's a lot of examples from the lives of famous (and not-so-famous) people. So it's a worthy read even if you just want to entertain yourself.

What do I mean by dangerous? It's very easy to fall into a people-pleaser mentality after reading this. Applied bluntly, advice from this book may lead to flattery and many people despise it.

What do I mean by shallow? It has answers on 'how'-questions, not 'why'. How to make a good first impression? How to criticize and not be hated for it? It's not obvious why Carnegie's answers to those questions actually work. If you're interested, Difficult Conversations …

zhliu0124 reviewed How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale by Dale Carnegie

Review of 'How To Win Friends & Influence People [Sep 24, 2016] Carnegie, Dale' on 'Goodreads'

5 stars

This is a book full of wisdom and a book you can understand better if you have made enough mistakes while dealing with people.

The most important truth: Our human beings are craving for and desperately need the feeling of importance.

If you want to improve relationship with other people:
- Be interested in the other people

- Remembering their names

- Remembering their birthday

- Be thoughtful other people, willing to spend time to do things for other people

- Giving them they really want

- Be a good listener, encourage them to talk about themselves. People won’t listen to you while they’re still have a lot of ideas to get out.

- Ask questions the other people can and will enjoy answering.

- Be sympathetic, try to understand the other people.

- Avoid to embarrass your friends by making them feel inferior.

If you want to motivate the other people to do the things you want them to do:
- Don’t talk about what you want; tell them this is useful to them.

- Always make the other people happy about doing the things you suggest.

- Give suggestions instead of orders, let the other people think it’s their own choice.

- Letting the other people feel that the idea is his or hers.

- Give them a fine reputation to live up to. People want challenges, want to excel, to win.

If you want to criticize the other people:
- Do not discourage the other people by criticizing them. Praise them. “Hurting a man’s dignity is a crime!”

- Try to praise them every time when they made any progress.

- Get the other person’s point of view and see things from his or her angle, as well as from our own.

- Tell them you’ve made the same mistakes before and what you did to make sure not make those mistakes anymore

- Do not use “BUT”, use “AND”. “We’re really proud of you for raising your grades this term, AND by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.”