What If?

Raamat on ilmunud ka eesti keeles, pealkirjaks „Mis oleks, kui …? Tõsised teaduslikud vastused absurdsetele ja hüpoteetilistele küsimustele“.

Kes siis ei tea XKCD koomiksit ning selle autorit Randall Munroed? Tähendab - kui keegi ei tea, siis vaadake: xkcd.com/ . Kusjuures Munroe koomiksitel on alati lisamõõde, mida näeb, kui viia kursor koomiksi kohale ja lugeda ilmuvat teksti. Teaduslik lähenemisviis on talle alati meeldinud, lisaks on autoril mitmeid nohikunalju, mis just patsiga poiste seas palju elevust on tekitanud. On ju ta erialalt füüsik, kes on muuhulgas töötanud NASAs robootiku ja progejana.

Mingi hetk hakkas ta koguma lugejatelt tulevaid veidraid küsimusi ja pidama eraldi blogi nimega "What If?" kus ta siis neid küsimusi lahkas teaduse vaatenurgast, tihtipeale lisades mõnusa huumoriga nüansse. Ühel hetkel valas ta selle kõik raamatusse, mida siin tutvustan. Sest kellele ei pakuks huvi saada teada, mis saaks Maast, kui Päike äkitselt ära kustuks? Või kui kiirelt saab sõita üle "lamava politseiniku" nii, et ise ellu jääks? Mida tooks kaasa see, kui kõik maailma ookeanid veest tühjendada? Kas Briti impeeriumis päike loojub (või on kunagi loojunud)? Kui ohtlik on tegelikult ujuda äikese ajal? Mis juhtub, kui lüüa pesapalli, mis läheneb 90% valguse kiirusega?

Munroe on põhjalik inimene, kes võtabki sarnased esmapilgul jaburad küsimused ette, otsib allikaid, loob arvutisimulatsioone, räägib vajadusel oma ala spetsialistidega, ning kokkuvõttes paneb vastused kirja, joonistab juurde ka mõne pildikese. Tihtipeale lõpevad vastused küll inimkonna hävingu ennustamise, või vähemalt kõva pauguga.

Leidsin leheküljelt 114 praegusesse ajajärku hästi sobiva peatüki: "Kui kõik inimesed püsiksid teineteisest mõne nädala eemal, kas siis kaoks tavaline külmetushaigus maailmast?" Munroe läheneb sellele küsimusele nagu ikka, algul realistlikult ehk siis teame me ju viimase aasta-paari sündmuste tõttu, et majandust ei saa nädalaiks seisma panna, rääkimata erinevatest tehastest, fosiilseid kütuseid põletavatest elektrijaamadest rääkimata. Aga kui teoretiseerida, jagada kuiva maa ruutkilomeetrid ära inimesete arvuga, siis saaks hoida ca 77m distantsi. Kui nüüd oleks olemas mõne nädala söögivaru, ning osad meist kannataksid ära Põhjapooluse pakase ja teised saaksid Sahaara lõõskava päikese alla hakkama, kas siis oleks mõne nädala pärast ülemiste hingamisteede haigused maakeralt kadunud?

Noh, ei. Keskmine, tavaline, normaalse immuunsüsteemiga inimene on jah ca kümne päevaga terve, neilt pole viirust oodata. Aga on inimesed, kelle immuunsus on saanud rängalt pihta, kellel tavaline "külmetus" võib kesta kuid või isegi aastaid. Seega inimesed tulevad kokku tagasi, osad on seni haiged ning ei olnud sellest isolatsioonist mingit tolku, ninad tilguvad varsti jälle ja köhitakse nagu voorimehed.

Pealegi kerged ülemiste hingamisteede haigused tegelikult treenivad meie immuunsüsteeme, eks on tüütu küll jälle läkastada ja rögiseda - aga on sellel tüütusel ka oma positiivne pool.

No vot, selliseid huvitavaid lugusid on terve raamat täis. Soovitan soojalt, alati siit häid praktilisi näpunäiteid ei saa, küll saab aga teada, et Kalašnikovi automaatidest saab tõesti teha jetpacki, kui kõrgelt peab steigi alla viskama, et ta oleks maale jõudes kenasti küpse ja söödav (250 km, tulemuseks on "Pittsburgh rare") ning milline oleks/oli elu väiksel printsil tegelikult tollel väiksel planeedil.

Muide, "What If?" blog on endiselt netis olemas, kes soovib raamatu sisuga tutvuda, siis väikese printsi peatükk on siin: what-if.xkcd.com/68/ . Blogi sisukord: what-if.xkcd.com/archive/

Lugesin raamatut esimest korda e-raamatuna aastal 2014, kui jõulude ajal oli palju vaba aega. Meeldis tollal juba väga, nüüd otsustasin, et hangin endale ka füüsilise koopia sest noh, Munroe on elav klassik. Samas nagu ta ka ise ütleb äikesest rääkiva peatüki juures, et ta juttu tasub võtta kerge reservatsiooniga, sest ta on tegelikult ikkagi ju vaid inimene, kes joonistab internetti koomikseid.

Ahjaa, üks mu suuri lemmikuid siin raamatus on peatükk sellest, et "aga kui teeks endale isikliku keemiliste elementide perioodilisussüsteemi tabeli (Mendelejevi tabel)?" Lühidalt: ei ole hea mõte, elemendid hakkavad varsti omavahel reageerima ning kuri on karjas.

[Third rereading; more if you count having read it online for years before the book.]

This is not the sort of book I'd usually review, any more than I'd review gravity or living on a planet with a breathable atmosphere. Not that I'm saying xkcd is as fundamental or necessary to my life ... — all right, I guess that is what I'm saying, and I stand by it. xkcd has been a highlight of my weeks since 2008; Munroe is easily the sharpest, most insightful and on-key cartoonist I've ever read, and that includes Larson and Watterson. What If is a delightful collection of his non-xkcd work, laugh-out-loud funny even on third-plus rereading; nerdy and sweet and exciting and sensitive and timeless. (Except for "Common Cold", p.114 - that one is quite timely as I write this in December 2020).

Why review it now? Because in the years since I bought the book my circle of friends, Goodreads and IRL, has expanded to include nontechnical people who might not be familiar with Munroe's work. This is my subtle way to encourage them to take a look.

DISCLAIMER
Do not try any of this at home. The author of this review is an Internet reviewer, not a health or safety expert. He likes it when things catch fire or explode, which means he does not have your best interests in mind. Goodreads and the author disclaim responsibility for any adverse effects resulting, directly or indirectly, from the information contained in this review.

If you want to learn how to walk a batter (throwing the ball at 90% the speed of light), survive swimming in a spent nuclear fuel pool, create a jetpack out of machine guns, create a planet solely of moles (to be precise, a mole of moles), create a new star with a hairdryer, cook a steak by dropping it from space, or how to make the Netherlands take over the world, this is the book for you.

This book has about 57,000 words.

If you read at an average reading speed of 250 words per minute, you will finish this book in 228 minutes, which is equivalent to 3.8 hours.

As the average human being loses Calories at a rate of 134 Calories per hour you spend sitting still, you should lose 509 Calories simply by reading this book. (Assuming you're sitting still while reading it)

As 3,500 Calories is approximately a pound, you will lose a little under 1/6 of a pound.

Happy reading!

When I worked an office job many (...many) years ago, I had a small group of two or three friends with whom I used to shoot the breeze with via email (in the beforetime before office-wide messaging apps became all the rage) all day. Inbetween mundane office gossip, I'd occasionally posit random hypothetical questions, and my friends were, well, friend enough to indulge me most of the time. The number of staples to fill a cubicle, how many staplers to stack to the ceiling, whether Spiderman or Batman would win in a fight, things like that. There never was any satisfactory/conclusive answer to any of them, but the resulting discussion was often rewarding in itself.

This book feeds that "I wonder..." voice in my head that never really shuts up. I'm a big science nerd, and I love all the math and science and logic used to come up with the solid conclusions to these random questions that I never knew I had. How much Force power can Yoda output? How high can a human throw something? How quickly would the oceans drain if a circular portal 10 meters in radius leading into space were created at the bottom of Challenger Deep? You know, reasonable questions like that. The answers are surprising in some cases, and I walked away with random factoids about Pangaea/Rodinia, the Oxford Bell, the Wow! signal, a dude who flew over Los Angeles using a lawn chair and weather balloons, and the Pitcairn Islands.

I also loved the inclusion of so many XKCD-style graphics within the chapters (you know, because the XKCD guy is the one who wrote this). All of them were fantastic and really drove the point home in most cases. Highly recommend picking up a print copy of this book instead of listening to the audiobook version, for the drawings alone.

A disclaimer: I like science. I like science books for the common reader. I grew up devouring every collection of Isaac Asimov science essays the library had. Nonetheless, I think this book is approachable and accessible to just about anyone.

If you've ever read the webcomic XKCD then you probably already have a good idea what to expect (and if you haven't, WHY NOT?? Go do so now.) Munroe accepts strange question submissions and uses Science to come up with answers to such vital concerns as, "is it possible to build a jet pack using downward-firing machine guns?" and "how much Force power can Yoda output?", in an easy to understand format and with friendly illustrations.

An amusing, entertaining, and mildly educational read, good for dipping into a bit at a time and pondering at length in between.




His use of amusing footnotes is also clearly inspired by footnote artists Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett.